Difficult Family Conversations-Handle them like the Queen!

By Gretchen Curry, MSPH | January 23, 2020 | Comments Off on Difficult Family Conversations-Handle them like the Queen!

Queen Elizabeth has been in the news a lot over the last several days regarding her leading a family meeting to discuss tough and important issues regarding her families’ future. 

The Queen is ninety-three (93) years-old and still leads her royal clan with unwavering sternness.  Her husband, Prince Phillip is ninety-eight (98) years-old.   Her recent meeting with Prince Charles, Prince William, and Prince Harry was to discuss the direction that younger family members, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (Harry and Meghan Markle), plan to forge.

I suspect the Queen has already had discussions with her family members about her own desires, intentions, plans, and the families’ succession needs as she and Prince Phillip continue to age.

All families need to have similar discussions with their aging parents about what mom and dad’s desires, intentions and plans are as they age. 

Here are twelve (12) topics that need to be considered and discussed:

  • Medical and Health Status.  Any current chronic, acute or terminal diagnosis? What is the treatment regimen?  What is the prognosis?
  • Mental Health or Addiction Status. Have you noticed memory issues? Any changes or long-term issues with the use of alcohol or other substances?  Is intervention required?
  • Advanced Health Planning. Have your parents named a medical power of attorney (POA)? What is their desire regarding life-saving measures in the future?
  • Estate Planning Status and Issues. Do your parents have a will or trust? If yes, when was the document last updated?  If no, do they wish family members to avoid probate court? Should they chat with an attorney regarding estate planning issues?
  • Financial Status and preparation for future living cost. Where are their financial accounts?  Have your parents named a financial POA?
  • Housing or living arrangements. What is their current housing or living arrangements?  How are they managing?  Are they willing to consider and accept assistance in the home for household or caregiving purposes?  What are their desired future living arrangements?  Where do they desire to move? Is there a waiting list?
  • Avoiding fraud, crime and exploitation.  Have they experienced any fraud, exploitation or been a victim of a crime?  Are there any unexplained charges on their credit cards? Do they have any other exposure for these occurrences? Have financial advisors been properly vetted?  Have all household and caregiving staff been properly vetted? See StaffLink’s unique strengths.
  • Social Life and Activities. Are they staying socially connected to family, friends, organizations and their life-long valued communities? Would they like to be more social?
  • Unfilled Dreams.  Is there something on their bucket list that you could help facilitate happening?
  • Relationships.  Are there any relationships that they want to mend?
  • End-of-Life Journey.  Are they open to working with a palliative team? To considering hospice if referred?  Where do they want to be buried? Do they want to be cremated?  Do they want a funeral, memorial service or a party at the local pub after they pass?
  • Documents.  Where are important documents retained?  Should copies be retained off-site?

Starting a discussion on some of these topics with family members can be very difficult and even emotional. I recommend you handle the discussion like the Queen and keep a stiff, British upper lip!

If our Care Manager, Pam Stone, BSW, CCM, can help you with planning for this discussion, please give her a call at 314-997-8833 (o).  See more details on StaffLink’s Care Management Program here.

Below are links to a couple of additional articles on this topic.

https://www.moneycrashers.com/conversations-caring-elderly-parents/

https://www.caring.com/caregivers/starting-the-conversation/

Gretchen Curry, MSPH
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